When AJ and I began discussing marriage and family life (gosh that seems like forever ago) we agreed three kids (including Dawn) was a good number for us. It was not long after we married our family grew. S, Little Red, came into our lives rounding out our family with two kids, both girls. One more would come but we were not ready at that time. Mirena IUD went in and boy that was a rough ride. I gained weight, was hormonal and not myself. I stuck through it and when we felt the time was right, started trying for our final baby. Five years after Little Red was born, K, aka Buddy, came into the world completing our little family. Dawn, Little Red and Buddy with mom and dad.

Life seemed to be complete, we had moved into our own home, our kids were growing and we even added to our little family with some fur babies, a dog and some cats. We began to settle in to life as a complete family. WRONG! Not long after Buddy was about a year old we began seriously discussing (previous discussions were not too serious) having another baby. My stance on the matter was no more, we agreed to only have three kids. After much consideration and personal prayer and pondering I felt it time to try for another baby. Buddy was still night and comfort nursing at two years old. Off the hormonal birth control and put a stop to the breastfeeding. We kept about our normal routines. Everything was so normal in fact AJ and I prepped and participated in our first Spartan race in July 2017. It was a short time after finishing (I was not recovering all the way) I realized I was pregnant with #4!! (Read about that fun experience here)  Confession? I still have hankerings to do another Spartan on occasion!  Nine agonizing months later J, #4, aka (haven’t decided yet) entered the world, our lives and our family. L&D was a fun experience as well.

Now you’re all caught up, the incredibly condensed Salisbury’s Notes version. J is now one year old and slowly quickly growing up and will soon no longer be my baby. I am content having him be our last. Four kids ages 18 to 1, two girls, two boys. AJ and I are both closer to 40 than 30 (I am completely fine with getting older.) I could be a grandma at any time, not that I am anywhere near ready for that (and thankfully neither is Dawn) but it’s a physical possibility.

(Dawn this is not in any way our consent or acceptance of the fact that you are an adult and can fully have your own family at this point, please wait, I’m not ready!)

What am I not done with then? Why the topic? Well there is still a part of me, deep down inside like the Grinch’s heart, longing for another baby. With each child I have learned more and realized what I could have done differently, things I would like to try. Overpowering these feelings is the stress having kids does to my body and mind. My last pregnancy was NOT an easy one. I do NOT want to be on birth control for the rest of my “productive” life. The hormones in pills and IUDs wreaks havoc on my body, not gonna happen. I have contemplated a tubal ligation but I have two kids at home still, I would need help at home caring for them while I recover. This is a surgery guys! Also, this is pretty permanent, how can I be 100% certain? When were you certain your family was complete? How have you ensured you are finished having kids so to speak?